Lazy Monday

I was all ready to hammer out a review today and post it and create beautiful links, etc, etc, but this flu is hitting me hard. I can't focus. Kind of a good thing, though, because EVERYONE has updated their blogs today after the long weekend and I have a lot of catching up to do. So I'm mostly surfing today, posting occasionally, researching agents, and of course, listening to music. Joe downloaded a bunch of new songs for me. Awesome.

A quick update: I am officially up to my neck in writing the first draft of Mirra, my latest sci-fi novel. I've been nibbling at it here and there between other projects for the past year, and now I've decided to give it my full attention. Still working on revisions for Web of Deceit (my goal is to have that finished by January), and searching for a suitable agent, but the bulk of my creativity is being channeled into writing Mirra. It's tired of waiting, and demanding to be written. Not for me to question; I just go with it.

Unfortunately, that means that a few other works of short fiction will have to be put on hold until next year, namely, Faultless and WeNDI. Both are military sci-fi. And I still have a handful of projects that I've not even started on yet. It looks like my writing plate in 2010 is going to be just as full as it was in 2009.

I've added a blurb about Mirra to the bottom of the sidebar, if you're curious about the story.

Have a happy Monday, everyone! Hopefully, the rest of this week will be more productive.

Edited to add this link (because I really am doing something today, just not what I had planned). Podcast interview with literary agent Jeff Kleinman at Folio Literary Management. A good listen for any writer. Check it out HERE. Enjoy!

~Lydia

Guest Post: Connecting "Point of View" and "Show, Don't Tell"

Please give a warm welcome to Juliette Wade, our guest blogger today. Juliette is an SF author whose short stories have been published in Analog Science Fiction and Fact, the most recent of which, "Cold Words", appeared in the October 2009 issue. Juliette's blog, TalkToYoUniverse, is for lovers of Science Fiction and Fantasy who want to talk to an expert about questions of language and culture (linguistics and anthropology). For a complete publication credit list, click HERE. For a complete bio, click HERE.

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Thanks, Lydia for inviting me here – it's a real pleasure. She and I had been talking about two topics: point of view, and the "show, don't tell" rule. So today I'm going to try to do them both at once! Of course, both are big topics, and if I tried to do one after the other I'd be going on for hours, so I'm actually going to look briefly at a place where they intersect, namely, narrative distance.

Narrative distance is what people are talking about when they mention "close point of view." Typically, an omniscient third person point of view is seen as more distant, a limited third person point of view somewhat closer, and a first person point of view closest of all. However, this isn't always the case. Narrative distance is a matter of degree, and I've read books and stories with first person narratives that felt more distant than a really close limited third person.

So what makes a narrative feel close, if it's not as simple as choosing between first and third person narration?

There are lots of elements that can contribute to a sense of narrative distance, in fact. The one I'm going to focus on here is a simple one – the use of the narrator's pronoun. Here's an example in first person:

I peeked around the corner. I saw the monk emerge through the church gate, and wondered what he was doing.

Contrast the feel of that sentence with the following:

I peeked around the corner. The monk was just emerging through the church gate. What was he doing?

First, the second sequence has fewer occurrences of the narrator's pronoun, "I." Second, it feels more "shown" and less "told." Overall, it feels closer to the narrator, and I find it more engaging.

"Show, Don't Tell" is one of the most annoying rules that gets thrown around in writing – annoying, because it's so terribly vague. In this post, though, I'm going to be very concrete, so I'm going to focus on the use of the pronoun, "I."

"I" is a great tool. The instant you hear it, you know you have a protagonist (it's true!). However, if you use it a lot, the narrative starts to feel told. The reason for this I think is that "I" has another function, that of drawing a distinction between people – "I" am doing this as opposed to someone else. That function becomes stronger the more instances of "I" appear, and in a first person narrative, chances are you have no need to draw any distinctions at all between what the narrator is doing as opposed to someone else. So my suggestion – and what the second example above was doing – would be to use fewer instances of "I."

How? By making the simple point of view assumption that everything in your narrative is directly perceived by the protagonist and filtered through his/her judgment. Get closer. Take out the verbs of perception and thinking, and figure that you're listening directly to the character's thoughts. Take a look at the following possible changes:

I saw the boy cross the street. => The boy crossed the street.

I heard the trolley bell ring. => The trolley bell rang. OR A sound rang out. Wasn't that the trolley bell?

I thought the trolley was going to hit him. => The trolley was going to hit him. OR Oh, no – what if the trolley hit him?

I wondered what I could possibly do to stop it. => What could I possibly do to stop it?!

Then I remembered that wish the fairy had given me. => Oh, wait – what about that wish the fairy gave me?

I wish that boy were safely on the other side, I thought. => I wish that boy were safely on the other side!

When I saw him on the other side, I was so relieved. => And there he was! Oh, thank goodness.

The above is an extreme example, not really intended to make suggestions about stringing narratives together but to make individual suggestions about how to get rid of the extra "I"s that feel like "telling." The idea is not to get rid of them completely! Only to keep the few that you need to keep the narrator's identity concrete, and then work on getting closer in. These kinds of changes will actually work for close third person as well as for first – the only difference is you'll be working with "he" or "she" instead of "I." But with a really close third person, you can directly report thoughts just as I did above.

Experiment with it, and have fun.

For further details on "Show Don't Tell," check out this post where I surveyed writers – and discovered four different meanings for "Show Don't Tell." Click HERE.

For further information on creating the sensation of point of view, check out my article at the Internet Review of Science Fiction. Click HERE.

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Thanks, Juliette!

~Lydia

Antagonist Tips: Creating a Character We Love to Hate

According to Ben Bova, "There are no villains cackling and rubbing their hands in glee as they contemplate their evil deeds. There are only people with problems, struggling to solve them. Just as your protagonist is struggling to solve her problems, your antagonist is struggling to solve his. It's all a matter of viewpoint."

I agree.

According to Donald Maass, "Villains are some of the worst characters I meet in manuscripts, and not in a good way. What I mean is that they are frequently cardboard. Most are presented as pure evil: Mwoo-ha-ha villains, as we call them around the office."

I agree with this as well. Henceforth in this post, you will not see me use the word villain, only antagonist.

In a previous post, I warned against making your protagonist too perfect. Conversely, the antagonist cannot be all bad. The definition of antagonist is anyone (or anything) who works against the protagonist. Keeping that basic definition in mind, we can avoid resorting to the "pure evil" stereotype.

Let's say Sally the scientist wants a promotion. She works hard at her research, putting in mega hours of overtime, sacrificing a personal life, etc, etc. The author can make us feel for her situation by throwing in something to make her more likeable -- why does she want this promotion? Perhaps she needs the money to care for an ill family member, or a higher position will allow her to make decisions for the good of the research that she can't do as a subordinate. Whatever it is, for her to be the PROtagonist, the reader needs a reason to root FOR her, not against her.

Sally has a partner. We'll call her Rachel. Both of them are working toward the same goal ... except only one of them can get the promotion. For years, Sally and Rachel have worked together, side by side. They make a good team. They both care about how this breakthrough research will benefit the general public. But now that they're faced with a bit of competition, Rachel's true colors shine. Rather than take the "good gal" route that Sally is, Rachel resorts to backbiting and sabatoging. We start to hate her.

By her bad choices, former partner Rachel has made herself the antagonist. She is working against Sally. But perhaps she wants the promotion for the same noble reasons Sally does. The author has just given the reader major conflict. You want to hate her, but now you also FEEL for her. That is the important thing. Without emotion, readers have no reason to care.

The best way to keep readers reading headlong through a story is to create unease. They have to have a burning desire to see how this all gets sorted out in the end. Just as if you make a protagonist too perfect, the reader can assume he gets his way at the conclusion of things, if you make the antagonist nothing but evil, the reader can assume that they get their "just desserts" in the end. How utterly boring in both cases. They put the book down.

1) Avoid stereotypes. Make a list of stereotypical descriptions and actions associated with what defines your antagonist's title. Now find one or two reasons why he/she is opposite of that.

2) Create inner turmoil. Is there something about the protagonist that the antagonist admires? That causes conflict. Why does the antagonist want what he/she wants? It usually all boils down to a self-serving purpose, but more than likely, it didn't start out that way. Show how this path gone astray is affecting the antagonist. Perhaps they are not happy with what they've become. More conflict. Create as much inner turmoil as you can, and be specific.

3) Amp up their motivation. In order for an antagonist (or anyone, really) to believe they will achieve their goal, they have to have drive. What is motivating your antagonist? This goes along with number 2, but in a different way. This time, make a list of how your antagonist can get what he/she wants. Choose which steps will succeed (which therefore creates conflict for the protagonist ... it all weaves together), and which steps will fail. From the ones that fail, determine what will keep the antagonist going despite the setback.

Does anyone else have suggestions for creating a character your readers will love to hate? Please share.

~Lydia

Today's Lesson Shall Be Set Aside For A...

It's okay, don't panic. This is the kind of test you really can't fail.

This past week I've been going through the final edit on my Fantasy novella, Hunted, getting ready to submit it to a publisher. I've been saying since I started writing this thing, "THE TITLE SUCKS!" Don't deny it. That is the most overdone title in all of Fantasy ... Epic, Urban, and everything in between.

So I've been going absolutely crazy trying to come up with a new title. My good friend Liz from the WD forums has been kind enough to bounce around ideas with me. Unfortunately, we still haven't thought of anything. Zilch. Nada. Big stinking goose egg.

In her ever-present benevolence, she started asking me questions, hoping something would spark for either of us. The first thing she asked me to do was, describe your story in one sentence. Not as easy as it sounds, but I managed. Here it is:

A royal messenger and her escort transport a stolen ancient weapon from one kingdom of elves to another.

That's it. For those of you who have read the story in the critique forum, you know there is WAY MORE to it than that, but you should also recognize that, yes, that pretty much sums it up.

Okay, time for the quiz. Thinking caps on. Here we go.

First question: Can anyone come up with a better title for me? I'm open to any and all suggestions. Obviously, this will be easier for those who have read the story, but if you haven't, and you want to just throw something out there ... GO AHEAD, it just might stick. And yes, I'm that desperate. Thanks for asking.

Second question: How would you describe YOUR story (any story will do, just pick one, even if it's still in progress) in ONE SENTENCE?

Go for it.

~Lydia

It's All In The Details

We've all heard the saying, "Write what you know," which basically means, the more hands-on experience you have with something, the more realistic you'll be able to portray it. That is most definitely true.

But...

There is no way an author can experience every last thing they want to write about, especially if you are an author of speculative fiction. The topic I'm going to discuss here does apply to writers of all kinds of fiction, but for the purpose of this post, I'm focusing on science fiction and fantasy.

For anyone who doesn't know (and as a refresher for those who do), I am a HUGE fan of military type fiction. Not only do I read it and fall MADLY in love with it, but I write it, too. Why is that odd? Because...er...um...I've never so much as held a weapon in my life, let alone fired a gun (even though my younger sister owns a rifle) ...no, I've never even cut wood with a hatchet. Seriously.

So how the hell do I get away with writing about it?

In the past, I've gotten into some heated debates with other writers who seem to think that if you've never held a sword that you can't realistically write about a character using one. AS IF TO SAY, "Just because I held a sword and maybe swung one a few times at a fencing club, I KNOW what it's like to use one in battle, wearing heavy armor and riding atop a horse, after traveling all day in sweltering heat with barely a drop to drink and then getting thrust into battle at the brink of exhaustion...and oh yeah, I've had the runs all day and saddle sores with no modern remedies to aid my comfort."

Get the point? There is NO POSSIBLE WAY that you can experience that, TRULY experience it the way you need to write it. The same goes for sci-fi. Unless the governments have pulled one over on us and there are things going on in outer space that they haven't made public (not saying that couldn't happen), there's no way we could possibly know what truly happens when a plasma cannon takes out the engine room of a space ship. We use our imagination. We guess. And the creative guessing is good enough for our readers.

However, all of that being said, we do need to do our research and portray the details as accurately as we can. There are several ways to accomplish this.

1) Hands on experience. Obviously. Speaking of military things again, if you have experience in the military, then details such as rank order and how to load a rifle will easily flow for you. Kudos. Now all you have to worry about is whether or not a blackhole really does stretch you like rubber when you go through it.

2) Speaking with people who have hands-on experience either directly (and forums are a good place for this) or through published interviews. This is where I got lucky. My good friend Emily White just happens to be a military goddess. She has helped me in more ways than I can express, even going as far as typing out several pages worth of information about ranks in different branches of the military...all so I could write these three sentences accurately, in the point of view of a Corporal:

Through the scope of her sniper rifle, Mynara focused on the right side of his collar. Damn. He'd somehow ranked Sergeant before her.

Since then, I've used Emily's goldmine of information for other parts of this and other stories, but the point is, I wouldn't have been able to write that if not for my contact with her. She also, so nicely, pointed out that this soldier would have to release the safety on her rifle before she could fire it. Duh...but I'd forgotten to mention it, and she caught it for me. Thanks again, Emily.

I am also lucky to be married to someone who has an affinity for weaponry, especially blades. Joe helped me make decisions on what weapons to use in my fantasy, Hunted. In that story, you'll see the classic bow and arrow, along with throwing stars, a mace, samurai swords (oh, there are so many different types of swords...it can make your head spin), and my personal favorite, the kukri blades. Before talking to Joe about this, I had no idea what those were, let alone how to use one. Thanks to him, I've got some awesome combat scenes in that story. And I learned something in the process. Bonus.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. I need to give another shout out, this time to Therese Walsh, for answering a question I had recently about how one goes about earning a degree in psychology. Therese is a novelist, yes, but she wasn't always such. In reading an interview with her on Writer Unboxed, I'd found out she has a background in psychology, so I asked her about it. She kindly and quickly responded with the details that I needed. Most people, I've learned, are more than willing to share their experiences.

3) Hardcore research through reading books and information available on the internet. This is where things can get either really interesting (if you're a nerd like me) or really dull. Before writing a scene in chapter three of Web of Deceit (science fiction), where I go into a bit of detail about their armor, I checked out stacks of books from the library about....hehe...SNAKES. This is where I got my basic idea for the armor and a few details about how it was put together. Not going to divulge anymore than that.

When researching other details, such as the medical stuff that comes later in that same novel, I spent at least two full days browsing and reading things on the internet, mostly this guy's work. But it was worth every minute.

One can easily spend too much time on research and not nearly enough time on writing. I've seen this question frequently come up in writer's forums, "How do you know when you've done enough research? Do you do it before or after writing?"

There is no concrete answer to either of those. Personally, I know I've done enough when the information I need for that particular scene or concept feels complete. No more and no less. Regarding the question of before or after, that is dependent on the individual need. I've done both. As long as your finished product is accurate, then it really doesn't matter.

What types of things did YOU have to research for a story? Any other tips or advice you can think of that I didn't mention? Please share.

~Lydia

Monday Musing: What Are You Reading?

As my internet connection is giving me issues again, and my motherly duties are screaming for attention this morning, this post shall be short. Very short. But take heart! We have some good stuff planned for the upcoming weeks, including a post/rant from Joe (that's always fun), and a guest post from SF/F author, Juliette Wade. Stay tuned...

For today, a simple question: What are you currently reading? Novel? Magazine? Anthology? Those all count as reading. Even a newspaper will do. Whatever it happens to be, tell us about it. Did you fall in love with it from page one, or have to put it down at some point, unable to stomach one more word? Let it all out. Don't be shy. We all have our opinions. Go ahead and let them fly.

Personally, I discovered a new author at the library two days ago (new to me, anyway). Chris Evans' first novel, A Darkness Forged in Fire: Book One of the Iron Elves, sucked me in from the first sentence: Mountains shouldn't scream, but this one did. Um...tell me that doesn't grab you by the you-know-what and give you a good squeeze. I'm not usually a fan of Epic Fantasy, but I am SO in love with this book. Since I'm writing a review of it later, I'm trying to refrain from going into further detail...but it's difficult. There are so many things about this story, setting, and characters that have me completely hooked. Evans' second book in the series was released this past summer and the third is due out in 2010. You can bet I'm all over it.

Okay, enough about my reading adventures. What pages have YOU been turning lately?

~Lydia

Novels vs. Movies and a Little More About Showing vs. Telling

By no means do I consider myself an expert writer (yet!), but I'm also not naïve or inexperienced. As a regular participant in critique forums and writer's groups of all kinds, I'm noticing a scary trend. (And for those of you that I've done critiques for recently, this post is NOT about you or your story specifically. Nothing personal. HONEST.)

Who doesn't want their novel to be a blockbuster movie someday? If anyone says, "Me! I don't care about that," you're lying. Yes, you are. Stop denying it. The problem is, movies and books are two completely different animals. Many movies are made from books (duh!) but holy-freaking-cow they are not written the same. Period. A good book does not always translate well onto film, and there's a reason for that. (In regards to the image above, Jurassic Park made both a great novel and an awesome movie. But anyone who has read the book AND seen the movie will tell you, THE TWO ARE NOT THE SAME.)

Ask yourself, Do I want to be a screenwriter, or a novelist? If you say screenwriter, I can't help you. If you say novelist, you better mean it.

The issue I'm noticing in new writers all boils down to the (admittedly annoying!) phrase, showing vs. telling. I hate talking about this all the time, but it's so true. When I have a story in my head that I'm trying to get out into words, it plays in my head like a…like a what? Like a MOVIE. Yes. But that doesn't mean that you write it like that. Not even close.

Showing vs. telling is not just about using actions to display emotion instead of saying something like, "She was angry." Although, that is a big part of it. But what I'm talking about here is giving personality to your narrative.

Writing that relies on telling, reads cold. Unfeeling. Writing that shows is warm and emotional. It allows the reader to connect with the character. The best way to show this (ha!), is by an example. Using my own stuff again because it's easier that way.

First, I'll do my best to just state what happens, as you would see it in a movie, through the eye of a camera. Notice this is not written like a screenplay, though, it's still in fiction format. I did this on purpose so you could see the difference.

Elizabeth took two bites of her salad. Vinaigrette dressing dripped from her fork. The man with the dark unshaven face appeared next to her table.

"It is you," he said. "Elizabeth Drake. I'd recognize those gorgeous blue eyes anywhere."

"Thanks." She stared at him with a confused expression. "Do I know you?"

He smiled. "It's all right, I didn't think you'd remember me. Everyone knew you in high shcool, being a cheerleader and all, but we only shared a few classes together. Phys Ed was one, sophomore year." He put out his right hand. "Matt Rawlings."

Elizabeth stared at his hand and didn't move.

Matt withdrew his hand and put it in his pocket. "Mind if I sit here?"

"Yes," she said, and took another bite of her salad.

Seems okay, right? Um…wrong. BORING! All the actions and dialogue are stated, but none of the feeling is there. Who's point of view are we in? Any guesses? I, for one, have no idea based on that snippet. Without a clear viewpoint, the reader has no way to connect to the characters. Without a connection, the reader loses interest. THEY PUT THE BOOK DOWN.

Okay, here's how I really wrote it. Same scene. Same dialogue. Same actions. But you'll see a huge difference when you put personality into the narrative. This is how it looks through the eyes of the character.

Two bites into her salad, vinaigrette dripping decadently from the prongs of her fork, Mr. Bristly Face showed up again. Way to ruin the moment.

"It is you," he said too enthusiastically. "Elizabeth Drake. I'd recognize those gorgeous blue eyes anywhere."

At least he'd said eyes and not rack.

"Thanks." The word came out sounding more like a question than a statement. "Do I know you?"

She didn't think his smile could get any broader. She was wrong. He looked like the Joker, except not as gangly.

"It's all right, I didn't think you'd remember me," he said. "Everyone knew you in high school, being a cheerleader and all, but we only shared a few classes together. Phys Ed was one, sophomore year." He offered a handshake. "Matt Rawlings."

Elizabeth stared at his hand, wishing she had a Mach3 in her purse so she could send him off to the men's room.

"Mind if I sit here?" he said, casually putting his hand in a pants pocket, as if she hadn't just ignored his gesture.

"Yes." She shoved another forkful of lettuce, olives, and gorgonzola in her mouth. Food of the gods, indeed. Too bad they all lived on Mount Olympus, half-way around the world, unable to save her from the Brawny paper towel guy. Who wears a flannel shirt in the middle of August?

If you don't see the difference, I honestly don't know what to say. Sorry.

As was the case with the snippet I blogged about on Tuesday, when you SHOW things, it increases the length. This doesn't mean long sentences or unnecessary words. No. It just means you're getting into the character's head more. This is how you tell a story through PAGES, not film.

If you want to make movies, by all means do so. Learn how to write screenplays. But don't write a novel like a movie. PLEASE.

Any other suggestions on this topic, or random thoughts on Jurassic Park, or if you just want to tell me I'M FULL OF IT, the comments section is now OPEN. Have at it.

~Lydia

You've Come a Long Way, Baby!

This post is somewhat of a tribute to everyone who has helped me to improve my writing over the past year. You know who you are, and you know I love you.

I've heard comments from non-writers, such as this, "It amazes me that someone can just sit down and write a book." To which I grumble, "No, you don't just 'sit down and write a book.'" Because, when you do, THIS is what happens ...

At the risk of completely embarrassing myself (buy hey, everyone had to start somewhere), I'm going to post some of my own crappy writing from the early days, to prove this point, and then compare it with the rewrites I did later. This should be eye-opening, at the very least, for the other writers out there. For those of you who don't write, I still think you'll see the differences because, as readers, you're able to pick up on what reads more smoothly and/or less awkwardly.

This example is taken from chapter one of Web of Deceit, my first sci-fi novel.

First draft:

Jarus leaned into the side of the booth, gaining his balance and letting out a yell of pain and anger through gritted teeth. Markus snatched the pistol out of [Olessa's] hand. She couldn't believe she had actually done it, but she figured if he could protect her while injured then he would do even better under so-called ideal circumstances. Jarus glared at her then at Markus.

"You didn't tell me your sister was crazy, Skye!" he shouted.

Markus looked around anxiously. It wasn't the best idea to go announcing their presence like that. Olessa noticed a few heads turning toward them and then the inevitable sound of weapons being cocked. Here we go, Jarus. I hope you're ready.

Current draft (I think it's on number five or six now...maybe more, to be honest):

Olessa stared wide-eyed. Had she actually shot him? The sight of his open wound, bleeding, oozing, beneath the shredded leg of his pants made her cringe. She saw one of her brother's what-the-hell-were-you-thinking talks in her near future.

Jarus stood with his fists clenched and glared at Markus. "You didn’t tell me your sister was crazy, Skye." The anger in his tone amplified his already resonant voice and carried it over the noise in the room.

Markus darted his eyes around. Not the greatest idea to announce their presence like that, especially when you've got a bounty on your head, but it might just work in their favor this time. Olessa noticed a few heads turning in their direction. All of them displayed the same inquisitive look. If Jarus really was everything he claimed to be, this should be an easy confrontation for him, even with his leg injury. A room full of drunken, money-hungry criminals was nothing compared to what she and Markus encountered the last time they were on Rasa.

First thing you notice? The second version is longer. Why is that? This has to do with the age-old mantra, show your story rather than tell it. Let's break it down a bit further.

The second version is clearly in Olessa's head, whereas the first version is ambiguous. No clear personality to the narrative, making a distinction of character. That first paragraph is classic. Starts with Olessa's name, so we know exactly who's head we're in. Notice in the first draft version, I had to edit her name (see the brackets) in the first paragraph so you would know who it was, because all that had been used there was a generic "her." Also, there's a nice description of the leg wound. I am still scratching my head over that one ... why didn't I put that in the first time? *shrugs*

The first paragraph in the second version is shorter than the first draft version. Hmm. Well, that's because I made that paragraph just about Olessa's reaction, both physical and mental, instead of trying to lay out her reasoning for what she'd just done. No need for that until later. The woman needs to react first. That is the natural flow of things. You'd be surprised how often new writers screw up in this area. I, obviously, made that mistake as well.

Then we get to Jarus' dialogue. Same exact words, you'll notice ... minus the unnecessary exclamation point, and the even more unnecessary tag, "he shouted." Yikes. The visual is, again, made more concrete with the addition of his actions before he speaks. Then a description of how his voice sounds after his speech enhances the overall depiction of his reaction, and hence, his character. This is a great example of how you can still effectively portray character through a POV other than said character. I've seen too many new writers who think that they have to use the omniscient point of view to highlight nuances of all the characters in a scene. No. That's not the case. Third person limited is quite effective, if you do it correctly.

Ah, and the next paragraph begins with one of my favorite things to edit. The dreaded adverb. In version one, I state that "Markus looked around anxiously." Hmm. What exactly does that mean? "Markus darted his eyes around," gives a more concrete visual. You can see his anxiety through his action, rather than just being told that he is anxious. The stronger verb "darted" replaces both the need for the adverb and the generic verb "looked." That sentence, in all honesty, could probably still be revised. But for the purpose of this post, it is much better than the original.

Then (finally!) we get to Olessa's reasoning ... where it should be, after the initial reactions. The explanation is worded much better in the second version, in my opinion, plus it hints at what she might be thinking about, "hope this guy is up to snuff," without actually stating a true thought, as I did in the first draft. The less internal thought (stuff you put in italics), the better. That, however, is just my opinion. To me, it's distracting, and most of the time, it can be brought out through the narrative more effectively (again, if you're using the POV correctly and giving that character's personality to everything written).

And again, for some reason, I'd forgotten to show what she saw on those faces turning toward her. So that description had to be added as well. Even after all that, I'm still seeing some things I might change, but hopefully, you all get the basic idea I was going for here.

A lot to think about when doing revisions. No doubt about that. And this was just a teensy little snippet from one page of a 300-page novel. When someone says, "The first draft is the easy part; the real writing happens during revisions and editing", they're not kidding. However, take heart. Your first drafts do get less sucky with practice. And sometimes, you might even write a paragraph or two that comes out perfect on the first try.

~Lydia

Book Review: Time of My Life, by Allison Winn Scotch

Apparently, I make up for not posting on my regular schedule by posting twice in one day. Whatever. I've got the time this morning, so that's what happens.

In short, I really, really, (really!) liked this book (and yay! there's talk of a movie). For the full review at The Book Book, click HERE. Please note their are additional links at the end of the review. Allison is not only a great author, but a very generous woman, giving freely of her time, insights, and experience. As a writer, I highly recommend following her blog, Ask Allison. Link is in the sidebar under "Writer's Blogs."

Let me know what you guys think. Thanks!

~Lydia

A Stellar Week from Editorial Ass

Anyone that follows Moonrat's Editorial Ass blog knows that she is an absolute gem for both new and veteran authors. She graciously offers (free!) advice and insight into the backstage of the publishing world, and, occasionally, offers tasty treats.

This past week Editorial Ass was a virtual goldmine for me, so I thought I'd share a few links, both to enlighten those who perhaps didn't (shame on you!) visit the blog recently, and to say, "THANK YOU!" to Moonrat for a stellar week. You, my fuzzy friend, are awesome!

Even Agents Write Bad Queries Sometimes

A Must-Read Essay from Aprilynne Pike

How To Cut Text From Your Novel and Not Lose Your Soul

Enjoy!

~Lydia

Breaking Benjamin: I Will Not Bow

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a HUGE Breaking Benjamin fan. Their music was pretty much ALL that I listened to while writing my sci-fi novel, Web of Deceit. It's perfect for setting tones, especially (though not always) for combat.

They've recently released a new single, "I Will Not Bow," from their fourth album (that I have NO MONEY to purchase, ARGH!), Dear Agony. Check it out HERE. Joe and I both fell instantly and madly in love with this song from the first listen.

Like that one? Then you might like these, too (I wanted to just list ALL of their songs, but then I might get kicked off my own blog by you-know-who):

Until the End
Evil Angel
Away

In other (completely unrelated) news, The Rejectionist (one of my favorite internet hang-outs) is holding a "Form Letter Rejection" Contest. There are some witty entries posted already. Check it out HERE.

We'll (hopefully!) get back to regular posting soon. Thanks for being patient with us, and understanding that we really don't have a good excuse for falling behind this past week.

Question for the comments: Which songs/bands help YOU get into the right mood (pick a mood, any mood will do) for story-creation?

~Lydia