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One of the things I love about WriteOnCon every year, is query crits. I love giving critiques, but I also like to see what other people are saying about the same piece. (aside: I also do query crits in the Absolute Write forums from time to time)
While I agree with a good majority of other critiquers' advice, something I noticed especially this year was that people kept asking for more more more story info in a writer's query letter. And I usually disagreed with that sentiment.
If you're unclear on something, the answer is not more words. The answer is: say the same thing more effectively. Change your words, don't just add to them.
The reason boils down to the fact that the basic job of a query letter is NOT to tell the whole story and give away all the juicy details, but to get someone intrigued enough by your premise to read your manuscript.
That's it.
No really. That's IT (without factoring in the individual person's tastes and/or the current market trends).
Which is why my top responses to query letters in a crit forum are:
Your premise/concept/main plot isn't clear.
This is too wordy.
I'm lost.
This essentially tells me nothing.
This doesn't feel vital to the pitch.
How is this different from what's already out there?
Etc, etc, etc.
A query letter is a means to present your basic premise. Yes, you have to do it in a certain way--it must entice, it must show how your MC is unique, etc.--but more often than not, writers don't seem to understand how far into the story they should go in their query letter.
The answer? Not very far at all.
If you're just giving us your hook, your premise, your unique concept... you really shouldn't have to go much further than the second major turning point, and ideally, the first major turning point should be clear by the end of paragraph one.
Not two. One. GET TO THE POINT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
You have literally seconds to grab a reader's attention. Keeping your pitch succinct is an effective way to do so.
Ask yourself,
How much backstory is in my first paragraph?
If the answer is anything other than "none", I think you need to rewrite your query (just my opinion, of course).
I like query letters the same way I like novels--they start in the here and now and continue forward from there, never backwards. (okay, okay, almost never backwards in a novel. But definitely never backwards in a query letter)
Let me repeat: NEVER BACKWARDS. Because that's where you get into trouble in the middle, even if you wrote paragraph one just fine. I can't even count how many query letters I've seen that get the "start in the here and now" part right, but then use paragraph two to take a step back and explain things.
NO.
Stop it.
If you need to explain that much for your reader to understand just your basic premise, then I'm sorry but it isn't the query letter you should be revising. It's the novel.
Go back to square one. Whittle down your novel's premise to a single sentence. (this is called a logline, which is not the same as a tagline, but that's another topic for another day) You are obviously going to have to leave some things out, things that feel vital to you.
They may be vital to the story, but they aren't really that vital for the pitch. Not surprisingly, this is also why people have such a hard time writing synopses--you think you have to include more than you really do.
All you need in a query letter are the 3 Cs:
Character, Conflict, Choice
If you have that, you have a premise. And if you have a unique premise, then I'll read the novel.
But you have to get your point across quickly and efficiently. The shorter the pitch, the more work your words have to do. They must be punchy and clear, never wandering.
Think of yourself as a sniper and your query letter is a sniper rifle. The reader/agent/editor is the target. Focus focus focus. You have only one shot. Make it count.
Still not sure about something? Ask in the comments section. This is honestly one of my favorite topics of discussion.
Happy querying,
~Lydia
Lydia, this is such a helpful post. I'm working on a query right now, but I'm confused by something I read the other day (in Chuck Sambuchino's "queries that worked" series). One letter was *all* novel pitch. No publishing credits, no reference to how the writer found this agent and why he/she thinks this agent is THE ONE to take on the book, no "the _________ [insert YA, women's, literary, whatever) novel is complete at ________ words," nothing like that. And that particular agent had loved it. Not all agents spell out what they want, so do you think that this particular letter was an anomaly, and the story premise grabbed that agent in such a way that whether the pitch was brief didn't matter? I'm not trying to be argumentative; I'm just confused about how to go about this. I lean toward your approach, but the query letters that work do seem to be all over the place. Help, if you can, please.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to answer this solidly without seeing the post you referenced, but I think you partially answered your own question here:
Deletedo you think ... the story premise grabbed that agent in such a way that whether the pitch was brief didn't matter?
Yes. Based on what you said here, I think that's exactly what happened.
Keep in mind that the agent was likely hooked from the very first sentence or paragraph. Once a person is hooked, they'll keep reading until something UNhooks them. This applies to a query letter as much as it applies to novels. If nothing in the remainder of that query letter UNhooked the agent from what initially hooked them in, then it's not surprising that the agent requested more.
That doesn't mean you now have an excuse to write a long query letter. I find longer query letters that are "successful" (meaning they got an agent to request the manuscript) to be the exception rather than the rule. Many agents have openly expressed that brevity is preferred, as a general rule.
Awesome post, Lydia!
ReplyDeleteI became frustrated with forum critiques. So many critters ask you to put in everything, including the kitchen sink. So the writer does what the critters say, and the query becomes more confusing than before.
Thanks, Stina. Glad you liked it. :-)
DeleteI saw the same thing happening on writeoncon, and writers were starting to name planets and worlds that should just be left out as it caused more "noise" all because critters were asking what these places/things were called. They were intrigued, and so wanted to know more, and confused that with thinking the query needed to answer these.
ReplyDeletePrecisely. It isn't the query's job to answer these questions, it's the manuscript's job (and it must do so in a way that keeps the story moving forward). The query is just what encourages you to read the ms in the first place.
DeleteHi Lydia. I've written a romantic suspense novel. There really isn't a lot at stake, if you don't count someone trying to kill the MC. There isn't this huge choice or change she has to make or go through. It's more about watching and enjoying the transformation of her relationship with the hero. Starting from dislike, turning into best friends, and ultimately into love.
ReplyDeleteQuestion one: Is what I said above a huge problem?
Question two: In the query, should I focus entirely on the romance, hit on the suspense a little, or give each aspect equal time?
Thank you.
I can only give you my personal opinion, so here goes.
DeleteAnswer one: Yes, that would be a problem for *me* because I think that even romance-focused plots should have a clear goal and a conflict to overcome. Part of what makes a conflict intriguing is the combination of external and internal forces working against each other. If the MC doesn't have some kind of Big Tough Choice to make with high stakes, then the story won't engage me.
You mentioned the MC doesn't change. There is no story without change. Your MC should be at a different place at the end of the novel than she was at the beginning, and that different place should not just be "she's in love with so-and-so now." That's not enough. Make it BIGGER.
Answer two: If your novel has any kind of *strong* romantic plot thread--enough to be called "romance" or "romantic comedy" or "romantic drama" or "romantic suspense", etc--then yes, you should have a strong focus of the romantic relationship in your query.
If you don't then I, as a reader, feel misled.
However, in the case of "romantic suspense" I would also want to see what makes it suspenseful. It should have a strong thriller vibe. Weave the romance thread into it in a way that shows you cannot remove one or the other without the entire plot falling apart. Both the "suspense" and the "romance" should feel vital.
I hope that helps. Best of luck to you!
Thanks Lydia. I have great external conflict, but not much internal. I hate to fall back on the--she doesn't trust men idea.
DeleteJust had an AHA moment. Thanks.
MaryAnn: I had similar issues when I first wrote my query draft, and I realized it pointed to a larger issue with my story. I didn't have enough true conflict and I needed more to drive my story. It actually helped a lot to condense my story into a query length pitch because it highlighted areas that needed work. What helped me was to read some books on writing (Donald Maass has some good ones that lots of people recommended to me, and Save the Cat is a screenwriting book that is very helpful for plotting a novel). Good luck!
DeleteGreat post! I had the same thought so many times. Not more, just better. I saw so many people fall into the trap of trying to tell the whole story in the query, or giving too many details. Again, really great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Janet!
DeleteI was wondering if you always have to start with an intense moment. I'm writing a memoir about incest and initially I started with my father's first visit to my room. A friend commented that starting that bluntly could push people away. So I started with a game of tag and a visit from the ice cream truck (things people could relate to), introducing myself. In those pages I mention that I feel school is safer than home and I get tired of boys' games (my father plays hide the soap in the next scene - another boy's game). It is an action scene that takes two pages before my father comes home from work and the terror begins with his alcoholic abusive behavior. Is that too long for an intro scene?
ReplyDeleteI'm not an expert on memoir (not even close), but if this were a novel I'd say yes, starting with something a little quieter is just fine. As long as there is enough tension to keep the reader turning pages, a hint towards a coming bigger conflict.
DeleteA friend commented that starting that bluntly could push people away.
Just my opinion, but I'm inclined to agree with that statement, and I'm not one to shy away from tough or dark subjects. It's just a little too much to throw at the reader on page one, even if they know it's coming. From what you've said here, I think you're on the right track. Good luck!
And I'm assuming your question was about opening pages, not a query letter. If I was wrong in that assumption please let me know.
DeleteThanks, I'm not even close to query, I'm editing and cutting tons of passages that don't move the plot. If you check my wordpress link the first chapter is posted. But I also felt it was too much to start too heavy. I am trying to include enough incidents to give a sampling of the abuse. My mother kept notebooks filling up two with incidents, they were used to get me out of that house. I think by pointing out the notebooks and number of entries on a page the reader will figure out that there were a lit of :"visits". Thanks for your reply. I have so much to learn and I want to get it right.
DeleteAll of your advice is great! I've utilized everything here but I still tweak my query to be better after feedback. LIke you said, it's mostly saying the same thing but better. It really is a specific craft, the query, since it's not a plot synopsis and it's not a sales pitch, even though some people will suggest it's a sales pitch. It has to pitch the book, yes, but gimmicky statements about how much readers will love it and how successful it will be don't describe the actual story.
ReplyDeleteI think most query skills are developed in hindsight after a string of poorly written ones. But that's fine -- just don't EVER send out your first draft query!
Great tips! Thank you. :-)
DeleteGreat advice, Lydia.
ReplyDeleteJai
Jai! *jumps with excitement* So good to see you!
DeleteMy first query letter was by far the hardest one to craft. It took quite a while to pare down and realize how little I needed to say. Crafting that logline has helped immensely with my novels in being able to tell what my story is about quickly. Great tips, Lydia!
ReplyDeleteMy first query was pretty awful. I even knew it was awful at the time I wrote it, but I didn't know how to fix it. Since then, I've practiced practiced practiced. Now I know that if I can't say it succinctly, then there's something wrong with my plot. Period. And having that kind of harsh attitude toward my own work has been tremendously helpful in making sure my novel is as good as it can be.
DeleteI agree about the logline too. I often write a logline and a query letter for my stories when they're still in the development stage, before I've even started writing the story.
Thanks so much for your comment, Julie!